FOR THE HELL OF IT VOL. 2  #1

HEALTH, HAPPINESS AND NEWSBITS.

There are medicines for every disease known and unknown being advertised on television these days and one wonders if the FDA is paying any attention.  Most of the wonder drugs we allegedly need to be taking have side effects worse than the disease we’re hoping to cure.

VO:  Are you suffering from Normalitis?  Many Americans are and the sad thing is, they don’t even know it.  If you ever feel happy or sad, melancholy or ebullient; if you’ve ever been hungry or full, or sort of a little peckish and then kind of uninterested in food; if you’ve ever been late or been early to an event or meeting and apologized, or not apologized as the situation dictated; if you’ve ever suffered from premature ejaculation, gotten bored waiting a really long time to ejaculate, or had no one to ejaculate with; if you’ve ever gotten a sudden inexplicable stomach pain or a shooting pain in your knee or right behind the ears, or never experienced any symptoms anything like that, you may be suffering from Normalitis.

There’s no reason to suffer in silence.  And don’t suffer by shouting about it either. It’s not fair to bother everybody with your personal problems after all.  What you should do is talk to your doctor.  Of course this assumes that you have a doctor that you can talk to, although that’s probably unlikely given the skyrocketing cost of insurance and medical visits, and it’s highly unlikely that if you do have insurance that you know a doctor by name, or have even seen the same one more than once or that he will remember much about you either way.  But if you do see a doctor or know someone who isn’t a doctor but has played one on TV, or if you have an uncle that’s not too creepy and has a lot of weird stuff in his medicine cabinet, you should ask one of these people about CureAll.

CureAll can help you when you’re just feeling a bit off or suffering from the effects of Normalitis.  CureAll can help you feel that what you’re feeling at any given moment is the right feeling for that moment.  So you don’t have to worry about it – you’re normal again.  With CureAll.  The CureAll for Normalitis.

ANNOUNCER VO:  CureAll shouldn’t be taken by women who are pregnant or who could get pregnant or women who have been pregnant or were born via pregnancy.  CureAll shouldn’t be taken by men who would like to do whatever needs to be done to get a woman pregnant but are hoping secretly that they won’t actually get a woman pregnant while doing it.  Side effects of CureAll include nausea, dizziness, projectile vomiting, loss of hair, severe depression, leprosy and general disillusionment regarding the overall state of world in the 21^st Century.  Call your doctor if you lose one or both your ears or if you find the watch he lost last time he operated on you.

C’mon!  If the depression pill has so many awful side effects – just stay depressed.  If your cholesterol is too high and the pill you take to fix it is gonna give you the heart attack you’re trying to avoid, stick with the cholesterol.

Look there are dead fish in Maryland, birds are literally dropping out of the sky in Arkansas and Italy….you think your biggest problem is triglycerides?

Now allow me to close out this week’s blogs with some little news briefs and commentary.

• A recent study concluded that 50% of the world’s children will be obese by 2020.  The remaining 50% will be the popular kids.

• The AMA recently cautioned women about Spring Break activities.  Over drinking and increased sexual activities like those featured in Girls Gone Wild videos can bring harm to young women according to doctors.  In an unrelated story the AMA is moving its convention this spring to Ft. Lauderdale.

• Beijing, China is overwhelmed with a population that regularly spits and blows its noses onto public sidewalks and streets.  It has begun to impose fines for the behavior as well as for littering and not picking up pet droppings.  The move to stop the foul behavior is hurting the Beijing Tourism Bureau’s planned  “Come to Beijing and watch an Asian spit” campaign.

• . Government researchers revealed today that cocaine is the number one illegal drug of choice in America, edging out Ecxtasy and Marijuana.  This just proves what Columbian drug cartel leaders have said all along:  Americans like cocaine.

• New York state schools are teaching children as young as 5-year-olds about HIV, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.  While many parents are complaining, school officials feel that the instruction is worthwhile.  “We sure as hell can’t teach anybody how to read – we may as well try this.”

DwightCartoons © Johnny Heller